Category Archives: Reminisce

Life As We Know It

Hi, it’s me again, I know. So much for my happy ending. I thought. As always.  I know you totally have no idea what I’m talking about, So let us discuss it.

Remember that I told you on my previous post that I liked my new changes despite the ‘new hectic life’ as I called it. Well I lied. Not all, for God Sake. There are things that I often did to soothed myself or there are times when I started to blamed myself when things didn’t worked out. I always said to myself, or at least be an optimistic about what had just happen. I’ll take things for granted. Sometimes people takes things differently.

We hadn’t planned everything to happen. We just follow the flow. Although it’s silly sometimes but we gotta do it. Every tiny little things. That is life. It is pre-planned. Don’t question by who. Life is just like a book. Some even said that we created who we are. Indeed it is true. I remember I used to read lots of book. Usually we often read it from pages to next. But I happen to chose my story line. There are a lot of choices for the ending. Either you want it to be a happy ending or vice versa. So I go through the book, patiently. I carefully choose which page I wanna go next. It is so full of surprises and suspense. I turned to every pages, I thought I did just good. Since nothing happen. It went smoothly. I was just enjoying myself, but not for long. The story ends  tragically! I killed myself at the end. Well, it’s a thriller story and of course someone might die. But little did I know that I’m the one who get killed. I was so pissed that I go through the story again and again. So many ending but only one happy ending. So guess how many times I got killed in the story. But at last I can make it. Of course I read the whole story and I know every single pages. But to find my own happiness it took the whole book. I don’t regret making the mistakes whole choosing the where I go next, because I thought that it was just a book. I can undo or redo everything. But that does not applied here, in real life. Of course we can choose our own path but don’t know what comes ahead. Thing happens for reasons. And it is our duty to figure it out. We live for purposes. And it’s all up to us to make the decision.

 

Well, there again. I don’t know how to emphasise it but I hope that explanation will do to you. As I wrote this to sooth myself, again. I know it will get better and I’ll learn my lesson. For now, I just hope, not the best but better.

Maybe you still had no clue what I’m trying to convey here, but bad thing happen to me lately. And the only way for me to get though all this is by writing. I may not gonna tell you what happen, but It is nice to write something that I will read all over again so it won’t bring me down. And thanks to you readers, for spending a little seconds of your life time reading this piece of junk and perhaps willing to share something in return.My life wasn’t that boring and I wans’t a loner either but telling strangers about our problem sometimes soothing. They won’t spit on your face, at least. And they don’t know you either. So they might forget it in a few second. But a loyal companion, they stay with us come what may.

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Nightingale’s

Hi again.. It has been more month I guess since my last post about Kimi Raikkonen. Never been better. It’s 19 July. It’s my sister, Eliza’s birthday. Happy 13th birthday darling. May God bless you always and be healthy. Hopefully you are doing good at school. I may gonna call home tonight. My brother and sisters will be back from boarding school today.

It’s not just her birth date, but it’s Grandma’s 3rd year anniversary since she left us. We never celebrate her birthdays since then. Poor girl. It is not her to blame, but we are too grieving even to think about it. Sorry girl.. The wound too deep to heal.

I am sorry Grandma, but I never prepared to lose you. My memories full of you by my side. You raise me, cooked and fed me, bathed me, and you even sung for me to sleep. How can I forget you when my childhood surrounded by you. How can I ever stop thinking or reminisce about you when you are the one who ever pampered us till we’re grown up. How I wish I never left you in the first place so I will stay with you much longer. I know I do sound greed and I can’t change everything. At least I have much more time with her than my younger brothers and sisters. I’m just being greedy.

And the person who love her the most is Mom and Grandpa. Mom is their only child they had before adopting another two son. But they hid it well. How can I say, she took care of us with love. I wasn’t by her side when she left us. She left me after four days I turned 19. But I was there a fortnight before. I accompanied her in the hospital although I had a high fever right after I got back from the hospital. Gosh, I really missed her. I miss to listen to her sing songs for me, recite folklores, and I even miss holding her hand. I miss to hear her lecture, her advices, her smile. I miss kissing her cheek, I miss everything about her. God, I wish I could turn back time. I wanna be with her. Always.

Grandma, I know you heard me up there. And I know that you will always love us just the way you always did. And I am sorry if I ever done anything wrong. I am really, really sorry. I will never forget what you have said and I will keep it with me, always. Deep, bottom of my heart, you will always, always alive in my heart. Forget us not, our beloved Nightingale.. I always pray that you will always stay in our heart.

Rest in peace, Nightingale.. God bless your soul.

my lovely nightingle..i miss u

KALI TERAKHIR KU LIHAT WAJAHMU – UJI RASHID

Dalam dakapan senja
Ku renungi sinar matamu
Berat rasa melepaskan
Dikau pergi

Dingin hembusan bayu
Lemah longlai langkah kakimu
Lambaianmu kian jauh
Dari mata

Malangnya
Bencana menimpa
Kau telah pergi untuk selamanya
Tak kembali

Pada saat terakhir
Ku melihat paras wajahmu
Kau bisikkan hanya sayang
Kepadaku

Malangnya
Bencana menimpa
Kau telah pergi untuk selamanya
Tak kembali

Pada saat terakhir
Ku melihat paras wajahmu
Kau bisikkan hanya sayang
Kepadaku